1
00:00:04,549 --> 00:00:08,685
Hello, I'm Patrick Stewart,
theatre genius.
2
00:00:08,703 --> 00:00:11,521
Late last year, I found
3
00:00:11,539 --> 00:00:14,958
unsuccessful New York
playwright Chester Winkle
4
00:00:14,993 --> 00:00:18,862
dead in his
extended-stay hotel room.
5
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:21,414
Among his belongings were a hot plate,
6
00:00:21,524 --> 00:00:23,949
a stack of Baby Gap catalogs,
7
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:27,427
and 12 American Dad episodes
8
00:00:27,547 --> 00:00:29,206
he had written for the stage
9
00:00:29,241 --> 00:00:31,759
in one cocaine-fueled night.
10
00:00:31,793 --> 00:00:34,929
They were literally
the finest collection of words
11
00:00:34,963 --> 00:00:37,481
ever put to paper.
12
00:00:37,516 --> 00:00:40,568
And now, we're proud to present
13
00:00:40,602 --> 00:00:42,687
the only one of
Mr. Winkle's plays
14
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I didn't eat out of sheer jealousy:
15
00:00:45,757 --> 00:00:49,226
Blood Crieth Unto Heaven.
16
00:00:49,277 --> 00:00:51,278
(applause)
17
00:00:51,398 --> 00:00:58,951
Sync and corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
18
00:00:59,071 --> 00:01:00,988
(clears throat loudly) Shh!
19
00:01:04,292 --> 00:01:05,559
Hurry, everyone!
20
00:01:05,594 --> 00:01:07,461
Stan'll be here any moment.
21
00:01:07,669 --> 00:01:09,703
Do you think he'll like my gift, Mother?
22
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,506
If it's anything like you, sweet Steven,
23
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:14,975
I'm sure he'll adore it.
24
00:01:15,009 --> 00:01:16,093
Lord, it's warm.
25
00:01:16,127 --> 00:01:17,844
Devil farted thick today.
26
00:01:17,879 --> 00:01:20,330
We got a face-full, didn't we?
27
00:01:20,365 --> 00:01:22,299
Edna, be a good girl,
28
00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:25,385
run downstairs and give the air
conditioner a kick, won't you?
29
00:01:25,420 --> 00:01:26,503
Yes, ma'am.
30
00:01:26,537 --> 00:01:28,155
Whoo!
31
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,090
(quietly):
Edna.
32
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:31,091
Yes, Miss Hayley?
33
00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:32,359
How... is...
34
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:33,694
everything?
35
00:01:33,728 --> 00:01:35,062
Just fine, Miss Hayley.
36
00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:36,830
Everything...
and everyone...
37
00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:38,799
is just fine.
38
00:01:42,420 --> 00:01:43,770
Hayley...
39
00:01:43,805 --> 00:01:46,506
It's... been
a super long time.
40
00:01:46,541 --> 00:01:48,425
I miss you.
41
00:01:48,459 --> 00:01:50,027
I miss us...
42
00:01:50,061 --> 00:01:53,263
having a ton of sex.
43
00:01:53,298 --> 00:01:55,265
You... look tired.
44
00:01:55,300 --> 00:01:57,868
(sobs)
45
00:01:57,902 --> 00:01:59,036
(phone ringing)
46
00:01:59,070 --> 00:02:02,105
Smith residence, Francine speaking.
47
00:02:02,140 --> 00:02:04,808
You silly, stupid girl.
48
00:02:04,842 --> 00:02:06,810
Hello, Betty.
49
00:02:06,844 --> 00:02:08,662
Does this mean you won't be coming
50
00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:10,931
to your only son's birthday party?
51
00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:14,001
There's a reason Stan hasn't
celebrated his birthday
52
00:02:14,035 --> 00:02:15,285
since he was a child.
53
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:17,587
Why couldn't you just
leave well enough alone?
54
00:02:17,622 --> 00:02:18,889
Enough!
55
00:02:18,923 --> 00:02:21,591
You and I have a very
strained relationship
56
00:02:21,626 --> 00:02:22,859
and we both know it!
57
00:02:22,894 --> 00:02:24,911
Oh, yes, we do!
58
00:02:26,781 --> 00:02:27,748
KLAUS:
He's here!
59
00:02:27,782 --> 00:02:29,599
The guest of honor is here!
60
00:02:33,338 --> 00:02:34,938
Francine, get my fender sponge.
61
00:02:34,973 --> 00:02:36,206
I hit another dog driving home...
62
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,208
Surprise!
Ah!
63
00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:39,309
(laughing)
64
00:02:39,344 --> 00:02:40,811
Happy birth...
No!
65
00:02:40,845 --> 00:02:42,245
No, no, no, no, no!
66
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:46,116
Stan, everybody's here to
celebrate your birthday.
67
00:02:46,150 --> 00:02:48,552
Well, send them all home,
'cause as far as I'm concerned
68
00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:49,920
I don't have a birthday!
69
00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:55,609
No, everybody stay. Please.
70
00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:58,145
Dan, put on some music.
71
00:02:58,179 --> 00:03:00,147
This party could use a little dancing.
72
00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:03,183
(slow song begins)
73
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,458
What has gotten into you?
74
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:13,193
I said no birthdays!
75
00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:14,594
But why?
76
00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:16,830
Why? I'll tell you why.
77
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,699
But understand,
the why I'm talking about
78
00:03:18,733 --> 00:03:20,567
isn't the place where
poor people learn to swim
79
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,552
and gay drifters rule the showers.
80
00:03:24,172 --> 00:03:26,606
I remember everything
about it so clearly.
81
00:03:26,641 --> 00:03:27,924
I was eight...
82
00:03:27,959 --> 00:03:30,260
it was the last time
I had a birthday party.
83
00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:33,230
And you know what my biggest
memory of that party was?
84
00:03:33,264 --> 00:03:34,431
Not the cake.
85
00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:35,866
Not the presents.
86
00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:39,102
It was my dad, packin' up
and walkin' out on us.
87
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:50,947
Daddy! No, don't go!
88
00:03:50,982 --> 00:03:53,650
Daddy!
89
00:03:55,753 --> 00:03:57,421
(gasping)
90
00:03:59,173 --> 00:04:01,441
Stan, I never knew.
91
00:04:01,476 --> 00:04:02,659
Yeah.
92
00:04:02,693 --> 00:04:03,960
But I'm glad he's gone.
93
00:04:03,995 --> 00:04:05,195
He was a thief.
94
00:04:05,229 --> 00:04:06,847
And now he's in jail, where he belongs.
95
00:04:06,881 --> 00:04:07,998
Daddy?
96
00:04:08,032 --> 00:04:09,866
Would you like to open
my gift now, Daddy?
97
00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:10,934
Not now, son!
98
00:04:10,968 --> 00:04:12,169
Damn this birthday!
99
00:04:12,203 --> 00:04:13,487
Damn it straight to hell!
100
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:18,024
(car engine revs, tires squeal)
101
00:04:18,059 --> 00:04:19,659
This birthday's ruined!
102
00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:21,862
Not just yet, little Klaus.
103
00:04:21,896 --> 00:04:23,980
Not just yet.
104
00:04:24,015 --> 00:04:25,048
Dolores.
105
00:04:25,083 --> 00:04:26,983
Connect me to the favor department.
106
00:04:27,018 --> 00:04:29,352
I'm calling in a favor.
107
00:04:29,387 --> 00:04:31,655
Where did you go, Stan?
108
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:35,158
Swept up by a wave of
your own darkness...
109
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,594
Go easy, bro.
110
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:46,720
Curse my cursed birthday!
111
00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:48,755
(siren wails)
112
00:04:54,479 --> 00:04:56,680
Oh.
Am I interrupting?
113
00:04:56,714 --> 00:04:57,881
Oh, no, Mr. Bullock,
114
00:04:57,915 --> 00:04:59,516
I'm just tinkerin' with
the air coldener.
115
00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:01,451
Well, I won't be a bother.
116
00:05:01,486 --> 00:05:03,854
Just down for a bottle of champagne.
117
00:05:03,888 --> 00:05:07,240
People upstairs,
they can't get enough of it.
118
00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:09,259
To throw in people's faces...
119
00:05:11,262 --> 00:05:13,663
Never cared much for the bubbly myself.
120
00:05:13,698 --> 00:05:15,132
Water's my drink.
121
00:05:15,166 --> 00:05:17,300
That's so refreshing.
122
00:05:17,335 --> 00:05:19,269
You should try it with a twist of lime.
123
00:05:19,303 --> 00:05:20,837
(laughing heartily) Edna!
124
00:05:20,872 --> 00:05:23,123
I'm not talking about water--
125
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,858
water's disgusting.
126
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:29,830
No, I'm talking about
your attitude re: water.
127
00:05:29,864 --> 00:05:35,135
Why can't more people be poor
and simple, like you?
128
00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:38,939
Oh, sir, I wish more people
were like you, to be honest.
129
00:05:38,973 --> 00:05:40,507
I'm sorry;
I've spoken out of turn.
130
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,542
Oh, no, it was your turn.
131
00:05:42,577 --> 00:05:44,277
I'd just spoken.
132
00:05:44,312 --> 00:05:46,346
And now it's my turn again.
133
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:49,483
And I'm going to use that turn...
134
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:51,518
to do this!
135
00:06:08,286 --> 00:06:12,122
The party ended hours ago
and he's still not back.
136
00:06:12,156 --> 00:06:14,424
Well, if you hear
from Stan, let me know.
137
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:17,160
Thank you,
Mrs. Fartface.
138
00:06:18,863 --> 00:06:20,030
That must be him!
139
00:06:22,083 --> 00:06:23,750
Officer O'Sullivan?
140
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:26,052
Sorry to bother you
so late, Mrs. Smythe,
141
00:06:26,087 --> 00:06:29,606
but I believe I found
something of yours.
142
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:30,740
Stan?
143
00:06:30,775 --> 00:06:32,442
He was eatin' crab and drivin'.
144
00:06:32,476 --> 00:06:33,677
(gasps)
145
00:06:33,711 --> 00:06:35,445
He'd be spending the night
in the cooler,
146
00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:37,914
if there was anything illegal
about what he was doin'.
147
00:06:37,949 --> 00:06:39,182
Thank you, Ronan.
148
00:06:39,217 --> 00:06:41,218
We'll take it from here.
149
00:06:41,752 --> 00:06:42,719
We?
150
00:06:42,753 --> 00:06:44,487
Who's we?
MAN: Me.
151
00:06:44,522 --> 00:06:46,323
You!
152
00:06:46,357 --> 00:06:48,258
That's right.
Your dad.
153
00:06:48,292 --> 00:06:49,893
You're...
Your daddy.
154
00:06:49,927 --> 00:06:51,528
No, I mean, you're...
Ready for a swim.
155
00:06:51,562 --> 00:06:52,662
No, I'm surprised you're...
156
00:06:52,697 --> 00:06:53,797
Out of jail?
Yes.
157
00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:55,165
Me too.
158
00:06:55,199 --> 00:06:57,500
I called the warden and got him
out for your birthday.
159
00:06:57,535 --> 00:06:59,569
It's time you two talk.
160
00:06:59,604 --> 00:07:01,071
(gasps)
161
00:07:10,843 --> 00:07:14,079
And now, we return to Act Two.
162
00:07:14,113 --> 00:07:15,547
Gesundheit!
163
00:07:15,581 --> 00:07:17,582
Just kidding.
164
00:07:19,252 --> 00:07:22,287
The theatre can be a lonely place.
165
00:07:31,214 --> 00:07:32,714
What the hell are you doing here?
166
00:07:32,748 --> 00:07:34,299
You're supposed to be in jail!
167
00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:36,801
I called in a favor to the warden.
168
00:07:36,836 --> 00:07:38,670
He's my brother, remember?
169
00:07:38,704 --> 00:07:40,021
Oh, yeah.
170
00:07:40,056 --> 00:07:43,608
I figured if your dad's the one
who ruined your birthdays,
171
00:07:43,643 --> 00:07:45,844
maybe he's the one who can fix them.
172
00:07:45,878 --> 00:07:47,662
Well, I'm sorry you wasted your time.
173
00:07:47,697 --> 00:07:51,049
'Cause I ain't got squat
to say to this low-life.
174
00:07:51,083 --> 00:07:52,250
All the same to me.
175
00:07:52,285 --> 00:07:54,236
Warden only released me for eight hours
176
00:07:54,270 --> 00:07:55,704
and I just want to swim.
177
00:07:55,738 --> 00:07:57,005
Damn this heat.
178
00:08:00,092 --> 00:08:02,777
You can't swim your way
out of this one, Jack.
179
00:08:02,812 --> 00:08:05,880
Now, you're both gonna
sit here and talk this out.
180
00:08:16,459 --> 00:08:17,926
Why did you leave?
181
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:18,927
Why did you stay?
182
00:08:18,961 --> 00:08:20,128
I was eight!
183
00:08:20,162 --> 00:08:21,296
I just ate!
184
00:08:21,330 --> 00:08:23,231
That's why I can't swim right now.
185
00:08:23,266 --> 00:08:26,067
Not for nine more minutes.
186
00:08:26,102 --> 00:08:27,569
You walked out on us.
187
00:08:27,603 --> 00:08:29,554
I remember it like it was yesterday.
188
00:08:29,589 --> 00:08:32,440
My eighth birthday party.
189
00:08:32,491 --> 00:08:34,292
I was having the time of my life.
190
00:08:34,327 --> 00:08:36,161
There was a cake, a clown,
191
00:08:36,195 --> 00:08:37,862
and all my friends were there.
192
00:08:37,896 --> 00:08:39,831
Oh, and my guest of honor!
193
00:08:39,865 --> 00:08:42,000
Police Commissioner Jared Stacy!
194
00:08:42,034 --> 00:08:43,835
I was in the Junior Detective's Club,
195
00:08:43,869 --> 00:08:45,537
he was my idol...
196
00:08:45,571 --> 00:08:47,455
and he came to my party!
197
00:08:47,506 --> 00:08:48,573
And there I am!
198
00:08:48,608 --> 00:08:49,741
Look at me!
199
00:08:49,775 --> 00:08:51,176
The birthday boy.
200
00:08:51,210 --> 00:08:53,845
Yes, it was the best day of my life...
201
00:08:53,879 --> 00:08:55,864
until it was not that.
202
00:08:55,898 --> 00:08:57,682
At all.
203
00:08:57,717 --> 00:08:59,217
(horn honks)
204
00:08:59,251 --> 00:09:00,385
Where to, Mac?
205
00:09:00,419 --> 00:09:02,420
As far away from my family as possible.
206
00:09:04,256 --> 00:09:05,256
Daddy!
207
00:09:08,177 --> 00:09:10,028
So that's how you remember it, huh?
208
00:09:10,062 --> 00:09:11,529
Yeah, 'cause that's how it happened.
209
00:09:11,564 --> 00:09:13,965
Good, 'cause that's exactly
what happened and nothing more.
210
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,034
Enough swimming in memories.
211
00:09:16,068 --> 00:09:18,603
The only swimming I want
to do is in the pool!
212
00:09:26,212 --> 00:09:29,247
Tell me about
Chicago-style pizza, Avery.
213
00:09:29,281 --> 00:09:30,949
Or have you never had it?
214
00:09:30,983 --> 00:09:32,384
No, no, I have.
215
00:09:32,418 --> 00:09:34,152
Let's see.
216
00:09:34,186 --> 00:09:36,888
It's... deep...
217
00:09:36,922 --> 00:09:38,923
very deep.
218
00:09:38,958 --> 00:09:39,991
Is it dangerous?
219
00:09:40,026 --> 00:09:41,126
Were you scared?
220
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,293
A little.
221
00:09:42,328 --> 00:09:44,696
Any man who says he's not is a liar.
222
00:09:44,730 --> 00:09:47,032
More champagne?
223
00:09:47,066 --> 00:09:48,800
I have to admit,
224
00:09:48,834 --> 00:09:51,403
you're unlike any maid I've ever known.
225
00:09:51,437 --> 00:09:53,805
And I've known nine.
226
00:09:53,839 --> 00:09:57,075
Each of them more
Jamaican than the last...
227
00:09:57,109 --> 00:09:59,110
until you.
228
00:09:59,912 --> 00:10:02,347
Avery, you make me so happy.
229
00:10:02,381 --> 00:10:03,548
It's funny.
230
00:10:03,582 --> 00:10:07,519
I feel like I could
stay down here forever.
231
00:10:07,553 --> 00:10:09,554
Oh, Avery!
232
00:10:09,588 --> 00:10:11,423
(baby fusses, cries)
233
00:10:11,457 --> 00:10:12,757
Who's there?
234
00:10:12,792 --> 00:10:13,925
What's that?
235
00:10:13,959 --> 00:10:15,326
I didn't hear nothin'.
236
00:10:15,361 --> 00:10:16,528
(baby cries)
237
00:10:16,562 --> 00:10:18,463
Listen! There.
238
00:10:18,497 --> 00:10:20,165
It sounds like a baby.
239
00:10:20,199 --> 00:10:21,866
Show yourself, baby!
240
00:10:24,603 --> 00:10:26,287
It's not mine, I'm just raising her.
241
00:10:26,322 --> 00:10:27,756
A baby...
242
00:10:27,790 --> 00:10:29,491
I'm sorry, Edna.
243
00:10:29,525 --> 00:10:33,228
I... can't bear
to be around them.
244
00:10:33,262 --> 00:10:36,164
They remind me...
of babies.
245
00:10:36,198 --> 00:10:40,168
You see, I was in a
relationship with this woman.
246
00:10:40,202 --> 00:10:44,038
She got pregnant and we lost the baby.
247
00:10:44,073 --> 00:10:46,207
Seeing this one, it's...
248
00:10:46,242 --> 00:10:49,026
it's just too painful!
249
00:10:50,096 --> 00:10:53,098
But Avery, we're perfect together!
250
00:10:53,132 --> 00:10:54,799
I'm sorry, Edna.
251
00:10:54,834 --> 00:10:55,967
No!
252
00:10:56,001 --> 00:10:57,385
If I had known I was
going to fall in love,
253
00:10:57,420 --> 00:11:00,138
I never would've agreed to
raise this baby for Hayley,
254
00:11:00,172 --> 00:11:01,806
whose baby it actually is!
255
00:11:01,841 --> 00:11:04,042
(gasps)
256
00:11:05,361 --> 00:11:07,195
Avery!
257
00:11:07,229 --> 00:11:09,764
(gasps) Damn this baby!
258
00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:11,733
Damn this heat.
259
00:11:17,757 --> 00:11:19,023
What the hell were you thinking
260
00:11:19,058 --> 00:11:21,976
bringing my son of a bitch
father back here?!
261
00:11:22,011 --> 00:11:23,278
Did you guys talk?
262
00:11:23,312 --> 00:11:25,246
Oh, we talked and we
talked and we talked!
263
00:11:25,281 --> 00:11:26,881
If talking were a potbellied pig,
264
00:11:26,916 --> 00:11:28,983
we could have entered
this one in the county fair!
265
00:11:29,018 --> 00:11:32,153
But life isn't... fair.
266
00:11:32,188 --> 00:11:35,356
And I won't county on
my father ever again.
267
00:11:35,391 --> 00:11:36,691
Stan, you're exhausted.
268
00:11:36,725 --> 00:11:38,326
Why don't you rest?
269
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:39,978
Rest?!
Yes.
270
00:11:40,012 --> 00:11:41,029
(screams)
271
00:11:41,063 --> 00:11:43,198
Stan, you've cut yourself!
272
00:11:43,232 --> 00:11:44,933
Well, it's my birthday.
273
00:11:44,967 --> 00:11:47,168
I should be allowed to feel something.
274
00:11:47,203 --> 00:11:48,736
(Jack laughing in distance)
275
00:11:48,771 --> 00:11:50,371
Listen to him out there.
276
00:11:50,406 --> 00:11:52,490
Having more fun than me on my birthday.
277
00:11:52,525 --> 00:11:55,176
There's nothing stopping
you from having fun, too.
278
00:11:55,211 --> 00:11:56,578
Oh, well, what a relief!
279
00:11:56,629 --> 00:11:58,913
Why don't I go out there
and do just that!
280
00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:02,917
Yuck-yuck-yuck!
281
00:12:02,968 --> 00:12:04,435
What a fun party!
Yuck-yuck-yuck-yuck-yuck!
282
00:12:04,470 --> 00:12:05,954
Oh, is this for me?
283
00:12:05,988 --> 00:12:08,807
Nom-nom-nom, yuck-yuck-yuck!
Isn't this fun?!
284
00:12:08,841 --> 00:12:09,808
Stan...
285
00:12:09,842 --> 00:12:11,876
Oh, a balloon!
How fun!
286
00:12:11,911 --> 00:12:13,545
A doodle-doodle-doodle-doo!
A doodle-doodle-doodle-dee!
287
00:12:13,579 --> 00:12:15,013
I have no interest in
288
00:12:15,047 --> 00:12:17,649
watching you make a fool of yourself.
289
00:12:17,683 --> 00:12:20,685
And there he goes, everyone,
right on cue!
290
00:12:20,719 --> 00:12:22,804
Leaving in the middle another party!
291
00:12:22,838 --> 00:12:24,873
Papa, now that you're making merry,
292
00:12:24,907 --> 00:12:27,041
perhaps you'd like to open my gift?
293
00:12:27,076 --> 00:12:28,076
Not now, Steve!
294
00:12:28,110 --> 00:12:29,410
My cup overfloweth!
295
00:12:29,445 --> 00:12:31,312
I have cake-face
and balloon!
296
00:12:31,347 --> 00:12:34,566
Hear that, Daddy?!
Cake-face and balloon!
297
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:35,733
(gasps)
298
00:12:35,768 --> 00:12:37,402
What... wh-wh-wh-what
is it, Father?
299
00:12:37,436 --> 00:12:38,403
That sound.
300
00:12:38,437 --> 00:12:40,038
The balloon.
301
00:12:40,072 --> 00:12:43,068
There was a pop just like it
the day my dad left.
302
00:12:43,177 --> 00:12:45,878
I remember... more.
303
00:12:45,913 --> 00:12:47,313
More what, Stan?
304
00:12:47,348 --> 00:12:50,283
More... information.
305
00:12:52,519 --> 00:12:54,837
It was during the party,
before my dad left.
306
00:12:54,872 --> 00:12:58,007
I remember the balloon animal
the clown made for me.
307
00:12:58,042 --> 00:12:59,108
It popped.
308
00:12:59,143 --> 00:13:00,209
I started crying.
309
00:13:00,244 --> 00:13:03,279
Went searching for my mommy.
310
00:13:03,314 --> 00:13:04,664
Mommy, my balloon!
311
00:13:04,698 --> 00:13:06,382
(horn honking)
312
00:13:06,417 --> 00:13:08,885
I-I remember another sound.
313
00:13:08,919 --> 00:13:10,787
A horn... or a honking.
314
00:13:10,821 --> 00:13:12,922
It was coming from...
315
00:13:12,956 --> 00:13:15,892
my parent's bedroom.
316
00:13:17,695 --> 00:13:20,063
Mommy!
Mommy!
317
00:13:22,716 --> 00:13:24,517
My dad didn't walk out on us...
318
00:13:24,551 --> 00:13:27,053
my mother drove him away.
319
00:13:27,087 --> 00:13:29,489
My mother is a clown whore!
320
00:13:29,523 --> 00:13:31,708
Is that any way to greet me, Stan?
321
00:13:31,742 --> 00:13:34,844
Mommy?!
How could you?
322
00:13:34,878 --> 00:13:38,014
The information, it's too much!
323
00:13:38,048 --> 00:13:39,082
It's...
324
00:13:39,116 --> 00:13:42,952
T.M.I. (gasps)
325
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,400
Hurry up, it's starting!
326
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:56,352
I don't know what we're in for.
327
00:13:56,386 --> 00:14:00,022
I'm a little confused whether
this is a comedy or a tragedy.
328
00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:03,925
A catastrophe in the end would
certainly clear things up.
329
00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:05,477
Let's watch!
330
00:14:11,534 --> 00:14:13,635
(Stan moaning)
331
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,775
I told you throwing Stan a
birthday party was a bad idea.
332
00:14:19,809 --> 00:14:21,310
How was I to know
333
00:14:21,344 --> 00:14:23,379
Stan caught you
cheating on his father...
334
00:14:23,413 --> 00:14:25,297
with a clown?!
335
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:26,382
STAN:
You!
336
00:14:26,416 --> 00:14:28,817
All these years, I blamed my father
337
00:14:28,852 --> 00:14:30,185
for destroying our family.
338
00:14:30,220 --> 00:14:32,087
And you allowed me to believe this lie
339
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,222
when it was you.
340
00:14:33,256 --> 00:14:34,623
You're the reason he left!
341
00:14:34,657 --> 00:14:36,792
Stan, you don't understand.
342
00:14:36,826 --> 00:14:38,560
I understand
you can't keep your legs shut
343
00:14:38,595 --> 00:14:40,863
if there's a curly wig
and big shoes in the room.
344
00:14:40,897 --> 00:14:43,131
Is it gift time, Daddy?
345
00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,183
(grunts angrily)
346
00:14:44,234 --> 00:14:45,801
(gasps)
347
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,089
Trying to forget something?
348
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,223
(gasps)
349
00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:53,475
Why did you tell me
you'd had a miscarriage?
350
00:14:53,510 --> 00:14:55,177
I was scared!
351
00:14:55,211 --> 00:14:56,678
I wasn't ready for a baby.
352
00:14:56,713 --> 00:14:59,248
And you, you were so enthusiastic!
353
00:14:59,282 --> 00:15:02,301
I just wanted it all to go away!
354
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:04,036
But I loved you.
355
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,370
If you'd given it a chance,
356
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,940
there was nothing our
love couldn't overcome!
357
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,591
I know that now!
358
00:15:09,626 --> 00:15:11,460
Really? Already?
359
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:12,461
Yes!
360
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:13,662
Then let's be together!
361
00:15:13,696 --> 00:15:15,564
Oh, Avery!
362
00:15:15,598 --> 00:15:17,332
Let's go get our child
363
00:15:17,367 --> 00:15:19,668
and begin our life together anew!
364
00:15:27,377 --> 00:15:30,012
We can be together now, Avery.
365
00:15:30,046 --> 00:15:31,180
I solved the problem.
366
00:15:31,214 --> 00:15:33,215
What is she talking about?
367
00:15:33,249 --> 00:15:36,819
It's quiet now.
Just like you wanted.
368
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,621
Edna, what have you done?
369
00:15:39,656 --> 00:15:41,590
What on Lucifer's black beach
have you done?!
370
00:15:41,624 --> 00:15:43,559
Where's my baby?!
371
00:15:43,593 --> 00:15:45,627
Your... baby?
372
00:15:47,230 --> 00:15:48,864
No!
No!
373
00:15:48,882 --> 00:15:50,766
I didn't know!
374
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,252
Avery, I did it so we could be together!
375
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:56,255
(all sobbing hysterically)
376
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,723
There's no distinction!
377
00:15:57,757 --> 00:16:00,476
No demarcation!
378
00:16:00,510 --> 00:16:04,963
Hell and earth slumber in
the same bed tonight!
379
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:06,398
(sobbing continues)
380
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:14,089
Swimming, swimming in the swimming pool.
381
00:16:14,124 --> 00:16:18,060
Perhaps I'll do a froggy kick,
to swim from me to you.
382
00:16:18,094 --> 00:16:19,128
Daddy!
383
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:24,349
Stan! I was just reciting
"The Swimming Pool" by Homer.
384
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,084
Daddy, I know the truth!
385
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,152
It wasn't your fault.
386
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:29,855
You left because mom pushed you away!
387
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:32,141
She's a no-good clown whore!
388
00:16:32,175 --> 00:16:34,126
You watch your punk mouth!
389
00:16:34,177 --> 00:16:35,377
Your mother is a rose!
390
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:38,147
And you're just a weed
that grows in her shade!
391
00:16:38,181 --> 00:16:40,315
But she cheated on you.
392
00:16:40,350 --> 00:16:42,384
She deserves the wretched mud I sling!
393
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:43,519
I didn't want
394
00:16:43,553 --> 00:16:45,287
to take you down this gravelly road.
395
00:16:45,321 --> 00:16:46,688
Not on these tires.
396
00:16:46,723 --> 00:16:49,558
But I can't let you think
your only mother's a whore.
397
00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:51,894
It's time for you to hear...
398
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:53,094
the truth.
399
00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:55,247
Jack, please don't go down that road.
400
00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:56,448
Not on those tires.
401
00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:58,283
Sorry, Bets.
The hand of fate is
402
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:00,085
about to extend three of its fingers
403
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:03,322
and give Stan one hell of a shocker.
404
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,791
Pop!
There you are.
405
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:07,659
You remember this part, I know.
406
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,394
Your balloon dog had just popped
407
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,263
and you were looking for your mommy
408
00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:12,965
like a bitch...
409
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:17,169
(horn honking)
Mommy! Mommy, my balloon!
410
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:21,173
JACK: You want the truth, Stan?
It's just beyond that door.
411
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:23,008
Push...
412
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,510
Push the door open.
413
00:17:26,829 --> 00:17:28,063
That's right.
414
00:17:28,097 --> 00:17:30,232
Your mother was receiving a clown pound.
415
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:32,701
But what you don't know is
that the clown...
416
00:17:32,735 --> 00:17:33,969
was me!
417
00:17:34,003 --> 00:17:36,455
(both scream)
418
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:39,274
Oh, so everything's okay.
419
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:40,676
Mom never cheated on you.
420
00:17:40,710 --> 00:17:42,778
You were just having sex
with your wife...
421
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,596
in a clown outfit.
422
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,298
Why were you dressed as a clown?
423
00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:49,835
Oh, you had to have a clown
at your birthday.
424
00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:53,538
Otherwise, your party
wasn't going to be "perfect."
425
00:17:53,590 --> 00:17:56,491
But your father and I didn't
have any money for a real clown.
426
00:17:56,526 --> 00:17:58,360
Clowns were scarce in those days.
427
00:17:58,394 --> 00:18:00,762
The good ones could name
their own price.
428
00:18:00,797 --> 00:18:02,231
Not like now.
429
00:18:02,265 --> 00:18:05,033
Oh, but you needed a clown.
430
00:18:05,068 --> 00:18:08,170
And you threw a tantrum
fit for a real queen.
431
00:18:08,204 --> 00:18:12,341
So I pulled out the clown suit
that I used
432
00:18:12,375 --> 00:18:14,376
for robbing fruit trucks around town.
433
00:18:14,410 --> 00:18:17,312
That's why we always
had the freshest fruit.
434
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:19,615
Right. Now a lot
of people were horny
435
00:18:19,649 --> 00:18:21,049
to catch that clown.
436
00:18:21,084 --> 00:18:26,021
None more so than your friend
the police commissioner.
437
00:18:26,039 --> 00:18:27,239
I always managed
438
00:18:27,290 --> 00:18:29,725
to stay one oversized
step ahead of him...
439
00:18:29,759 --> 00:18:32,177
until your birthday.
440
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:37,365
Thanks to you,
441
00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:39,751
there I was, performing in that outfit.
442
00:18:39,802 --> 00:18:42,971
And there he was, your invited guest.
443
00:18:43,006 --> 00:18:46,758
He put the whole thing together
like two docking hogs in
444
00:18:46,809 --> 00:18:50,028
the bathroom of a
San Francisco supermarket.
445
00:18:50,063 --> 00:18:51,396
What are you saying?
446
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:54,633
He's saying that he gave you
the party you wanted...
447
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:57,269
even though he knew it meant
giving up his freedom.
448
00:18:57,303 --> 00:19:00,038
The Commissioner called
for backup, and I fled.
449
00:19:00,073 --> 00:19:03,075
I fled like a guy sprinting
from a supermarket bathroom
450
00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:05,477
after trying something that felt
great at the time,
451
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:08,397
but that he was ultimately ashamed of.
452
00:19:08,431 --> 00:19:11,967
Of course, before I left,
I had to show your mother
453
00:19:12,001 --> 00:19:14,403
just how much I loved her one last time.
454
00:19:14,437 --> 00:19:16,071
Oh, Jack.
455
00:19:16,105 --> 00:19:20,375
That means...
it was my fault you left.
456
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:21,576
Bingo.
457
00:19:21,611 --> 00:19:24,780
I... destroyed
our family!
458
00:19:24,814 --> 00:19:26,581
You sure did, kiddo.
459
00:19:26,616 --> 00:19:28,517
Time to go back to the slammer, Jack.
460
00:19:28,551 --> 00:19:30,619
Aw...!
461
00:19:30,653 --> 00:19:33,822
I wish things could've been
different, Bets.
462
00:19:33,856 --> 00:19:36,224
I never stopped loving you, Jack.
463
00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:38,093
(sobbing)
464
00:19:38,127 --> 00:19:40,145
No, no...
465
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,613
Not again!
466
00:19:41,647 --> 00:19:43,715
Everything's been my fault.
467
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:46,118
All these years we'll never get back.
468
00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:47,819
Here's your present, Papa!
469
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:48,954
Steve!
470
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:50,589
Let me guess:
you don't have time.
471
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,424
Well, how 'bout I open it for you?
472
00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:53,759
(grunts)
473
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:57,596
Here, it's an authentic
19th-century Army revolver.
474
00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:59,865
Not that you care!
475
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,233
Thank you, son.
476
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:04,302
This is just what I need.
477
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:05,504
Really?
478
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,573
Th-that's all
I've ever wanted.
479
00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:11,526
Oh, Daddy, I'm so happy.
480
00:20:11,561 --> 00:20:12,828
(screams)
481
00:20:12,862 --> 00:20:14,012
Stan!
482
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:16,281
I hope the party was worth it.
483
00:20:16,315 --> 00:20:21,019
Steve, what have you done
to this family?!
484
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:23,088
(all sobbing)
485
00:20:26,209 --> 00:20:28,810
It appears the guilt that consumed Stan
486
00:20:28,845 --> 00:20:33,215
will now be passed on to Steve.
487
00:20:33,249 --> 00:20:36,918
In a sense...
his only inheritance.
488
00:20:49,899 --> 00:20:52,250
(grunts)
489
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:55,587
You thought I was asleep, didn't you?
490
00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:57,906
Acting.
491
00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,040
Good night!
492
00:21:02,017 --> 00:21:04,035
(cheering, applause)
493
00:21:09,791 --> 00:21:11,575
(applause and cheering continues)
494
00:21:20,021 --> 00:21:30,706
Sync and corrections by honeybunny